So I had just finished a delicious burrito at "Cabo San Luis". I had spent my time telling the children to talk in inside voices, to not fall out of their chairs and to "LOOK LOOK LOOK!!" at the beautiful fish that were darting around strangely in the huge saltwater tank. Some of the little iridescent fishies were even kissing! Well it was either that or they were trying to eat each other's faces? Hard to say. We didn't want to scare the children of course, so we carried on with a story about how they must be getting married.
We left the restaurant and were stopped at a light at Foothill and
I saw three youngish (college aged?) kids waiting to cross the street. All three had funky skateboards. One of the three was a girl. I was completely fascinated with her. Was she actually going to skate across the busy intersection when the little "WALK" sign started blipping at her? Or was she going to continue toeing at that there board until it was go time, and then pick that baby up and carry it across?
And then it happened. She skated across safely without a hitch!! Of course I have seen millions of girls skate. Well I mean, not millions, maybe more like tens of...well maybe 10 in real live person? But whatever, it was really about me.
I couldn't help but think back to my younger days in which I totally worshipped the skateboard and all that dared to brave it. Well I mean the skate boys were a big draw, but I was truly impressed by any who could master maneuvering on one, and the tricks?! Oh my gosh, I spent so many hours/days/months/years sitting/standing around watching boys skate. Practicing the same tricks over and over and over. And then BAM! they would land it! I was like the cheerleader! yay!! and then they would spend some time mastering it, and then on to the next. Frequently, I was encouraged to try to skate. Every time I got the balls enough to do so, the stupid board would fly out from under me like a rocket. Of course I landed on me arse, hard. Every time. So I took to the whole ollie on the grass thing. I did alright with that, but I couldn't get out of the grass!!!!!!! So sad, my dreams of becoming a true skate betty were so dead.
Back to the intersection.
All the while the girls are in the back of the van, sort of mumbling to themselves and each other. All I know is that they were pretty quiet and self entertained long enough that I had been able to finish a single thought!
So I say out loud to Billy, "I am still amazed by people who can skate", with a little bit of sadness in my voice of course.
His response was "skating isn't worth it".
My defense mechanism went off! C'mon now, I didn't sit around all those years watching boys skate for nothing! Right? Whatever.
He went on to say that all the pain and breaking of bones and whatnot aren't worth it.
I begged to differ pointing out that ice hockey and snowboarding (both of which he was very involved in at one point) cause the same type of pain and breaking of bones! Practically. You have to learn how to ice skate, and in the meanwhile, fall on the hard ice! And snowboarding, remember when Renee broke her tailbone snowboarding? HELLO!? Right when we were both getting all worked up to defend our feelings on the matter..
...it's as if their radar goes off. There little cute brains are saying, "um, mom and dad are talking. they are trying to have a conversation, we must not allow this to happen. make it stop. make it stop now"
Chloe and Ava both starting "MOM!"ing me at the exact same time. I say Ava got ahead by a millisecond so she gets to go first. She wants to know if we can watch the Hermie movie when we get home. I say no because we no longer have the Hermie move because we already returned it. She puts on a big phat whiney squeally voice while stating "NOOOOOOOO I saw it, it's at home!" I say no it's not there, we already returned it. She heaves her chubby little arms across her chest with a "hmph" and with her three year old going on four magic hides that beautiful cherub-like face with a gnarly grimace. Chloe is of course "mom!"ing me during this whole conversation. But in a soft "mom"...like don't forget you are talking to me next kind of "mom". I sigh and glance at her. She immediately begins questioning, "did you say somebody broke something doing something?" I'm like what? Oh yes, Renee and her snowboarding incident. Did she hear that? How did she even hear that? Chloe is always very interested in, EVERYTHING. Like mother like daughter. No wonder my parents were always like, "can you just stop? stop talking. stop asking questions. stop." I don't want to snuff out the poor child's spirit in the way mine was. So I go on to explain that somebody did break something one time, but it was a long time ago and she is ok now. "But what happened? Did you say snowboarding? And who was the person?" I can't give her too many details, because then she will hyper focus and of course, more and more questions will spill out of that curious little brain. I can just sense that she is trying to formulate her next series of questions. Then I realize that another sound has been occurring this whole time. It's the third child, Fiona. Since the beginning she has had to really work to be heard over the other two. Apparently she has determined that repetition and a monotone voice will get her places. It's kind of like slowly realizing you have a dull headache. You slowly realize that Fiona is repeating something...and suddenly the sound comes in clear..."cow"..."cow"..."cow"..."cow"...."Did you see a cow Fiona?"..."YES!"
And then that's it, she stops!
Billy and I look at each other. Maybe we can finish this conversation? I'm sure he has been preparing all of his responses while calmly driving and staring at the road ahead. I've spent my time wrenching around in my seat in odd ways in order to make eye contact with all of the little people in the vehicle. I try to get my mind back on track. And then it starts.
"1 2 3 AAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!"
Occasionally the girls actually work together. One of the three, most likely the ringleader Chloe has gotten them all to chant to three, and then let out their highest pitched screams. They keep time well, doing it over and over again. I look at Billy and sigh. He sees me out of the corner of his eye and smiles. On the next round, when it gets to scream time, he lets a big one rip. A high pitched scream that is. This sends the girls into a fit of giggles and excitement! It's really the best if we can just be nutty kids like them and not boring adults trying to talk about boring stuff. To each other. And not to them. So he does it several more times with them. They laugh hysterically every time. So I get over myself and my stupid skateboard defense strategies. On the next round I let my best cheesy horror flick scream fly. Now this truly stuns them. For like a second. Then the verification, "was that you mom!?!??!" My response is " 1! 2! 3! AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH". Blood curdling I tell you. I tell Billy how we could set up our own haunted house this year for the trick-or-treaters. He smiles and then sets out on MAN yells instead of screams. But decides to go back to the screams.
My ears are ringing and my throat hurts like hell. But amazingly I am smiling! And heck, it actually felt like a stress reliever! Maybe I can use that technique next time those dumb creditors call, "Hello Mrs. Dale (fake sincerity) We are calling to inform you, that you are late on giving all your money away to us. again." and I can just say "123 AHHHHHHHH". that would be fun. Or how about when dude zooms in front of me into the parking spot that I was waiting so patiently for while grandma and grandma loaded up the trunk, got in, situated themselves for ten minutes and then finally took off. I could just get out and go up to dudes window. knock on it...maybe he'd roll it down, ...whatever, you get it.
15 minutes. this was 15 minutes of my life today. You didn't even get to hear about me getting a cup of coffee for the road, and spilling it three times (between children handling, dog handling, and myself handling) before I even got to the car. Or how I got the pleasure of meeting President Eric today. Or how cute and nice and talented Jeff and Coral (sp?) are. Or about how Tucker the wonder pup escaped out of the front yard and startled an older neighbor because he is a puppy. whom is crazy. and whom also has an "e-collar" on because he just got snipped. Or how I saw Jackie and she said something about her husband Dave having dreams about me? Or how Sheila and Mary are now siamese twins in which I will call Shary.
and so many more things. it was a pretty fun day.
(i just curtsied a little)
